In my previous post I mentioned that I like doing things and being alone. I’m pretty on myself and quiet. Me as an introvert always made me feel misunderstood and alone. It doesn’t mean I’m not a loner, I like being around people but in groups I’m the quietest person. I’m not the one who just does something without thinking, I always think it through.
In primary and high school the teachers always said that I should be more assertive and more outgoing. Working in project groups during my study was really hard for me. My fellow students were sometimes annoyed by my silence and not being the more active person in the group. In my work I had next to my study I didn’t have to communicate much which was really comforting for me. Now, in my new job I have to call and talk all the time. And again, I feel misunderstood as in my youth. It feels like that everyone has to be outgoing and extravert to stand out. I don’t like talking to everyone because I don’t want to share things with people I don’t feel a connection with. In my old job they accepted my silence and I never felt like the outside.
During my study I had to take personality tests to get to know what type of personality I have and role I take in groups. It turned out that I’m a thinker instead of a doer and an introvert person. I never really dwell on this because I felt accepted for my personality the past 5 years. Now, in my new job I feel like a stranger in our midst.
Some days, the world is too loud for a quiet soul.
~ J. Rose
Introvert and extrovert
An extrovert person gains energy from social interaction but the introvert needs to ‘’recharge’’ by spending some time alone after being at a social gathering. Extroverts are outgoing, talkative and are happy to be the center of attentions even in a group of strangers. They like meeting new people and are happy to take the lead if no one else will. Psychologists believe that they are driving by social stimulations.
Introverts tend to be more quiet, reserved and thoughtful. They feel more comfortable when they are in a small group and preferably with people they are familiar with. Therefore, they mostly have fewer friends but have strong relationships with the friends they do have. Instead of seeking stimulation by socializing, they receive it from within. They are okay with their own company. Introverts tend to be more reflective than extroverts.
An ambivert is a person who falls between the extrovert and introvert scale.
An introvert knows more than you think and observes more than you know.
Introversion vs. shyness
Introversion and shyness are mostly marked as the same. But they are not the same thing. Shyness is the fear of negative judgment and talking to (strange) people. They don’t necessarily need or want to be alone but they’re afraid to interact with others. Introversion is a preference for spending time alone and gets emotionally exhausted after spending a lot of time in a social gathering. Shy people are afraid of speaking up but introverts are just overstimulated. To the outside world those two types of people are mostly marked the same and both are not welcome. Studies taught us that the people who rank fast and frequent talkers are more competent, likable and even smarter than the slow and more quiet ones.
It’s not that introversion and shyness are completely different. They do overlap and you can be shy and introvert. A shy person can become more introverted overtime; since social life can be painful as we have the continuous feeling to live up to societies’ expectations , they are motivated to discover the pleasures of being alone. On the other side, an introvert can become more shy after they have been told continually that there’s something wrong with them (more info on psychology today).
After doing research for this article I found out that I am probably a shy introvert as I really find it hard to make contact to strangers. I don’t like to speak up or give presentations. When I’m with friends or people I know I feel more comfortable and am more talkative and I can be vey loud and present. Though, I don’t like to speak up. I’ve been told many times that there was something wrong with me and that I have to speak up more many times in my youth. Because it made me feel I’m not good enough I got more shy.
Are you introvert, extravert, ambivert and/or shy? Have you have feel misunderstood? Let me know in the comments